These Advice given by A Dad That Saved Us as a New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to talk amongst men, who still absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."